Skip to main content

I AM A FUCKHEAD



I've always been told I learn everything the hard way, and looking back on my life thus far, I couldn’t agree more.

I used to feel resentment about this aspect, imagining I was being picked on by some higher power, a bully with a magnifying glass on little Jared Ford. Ha!

 Alas, I seem to have entered into a new phase . Whether that is because of changes I've been trying to implement, or just an inevitability of aging, I can't be sure, but I finally feel that I’m gaining the ability to recognize potential for growth within my mistakes. It’s taken 26 years, but maybe I know why this obstacle-ridden road has been my path — to teach others.

If I’m going to constantly stumble through life, the least I can do is try to shed light on a few metaphorical bridges I’ve traveled that were missing a plank or two, and hopefully, prevent you from stumbling yourself.

Now, I could tell stories about my many shortcomings for days on end, but I’d like to share a little story about one that happened to me rather recently.

I was visiting a friend in my neighborhood and, when it was time to leave, I went to collect a bike from the Long Beach Bikeshare rack to ride the short mile back to my apartment. However, the sun was setting, turning the sky shades of magenta and peach, and I just had to take a moment to relax and enjoy the view before heading back.

I found a small, residential road and I took it. On my right I saw a comfy looking retaining wall (as so many Los Angeles homes have) and, resting my bike along it, sat down. It was at the perfect angle to watch the sun set behind massive palm trees. I was feeling very content when an unfriendly voice said:

"Hey! You want to get your damn bike off my wall?"

Lowering my gaze, I saw a particularly enraged man standing in front of me, arms full of paper filled binders. I looked at the bike, resting by one handlebar on the wall. I looked at the man again. I knew this bike wasn't causing any harm, I knew it was in no way bothering this wall and, feeling peeved, I said:

"Well, if we're getting technical, that's not my bike, that bike belongs to the city of Long Beach"

My grin made it obvious I was being a smart-ass, but I didn't like his attitude and one of my rather unfortunate attributes is that I have difficulty conceding to intimidation, even when I really should.

"I don't care whose damn bike it is, I want it off my wall!"

I grabbed the bike, slowly, and turned it away from his house while he continued berating me with insults.

 "You think it’s OK to just put your bike on MY wall? That's my wall!" he yelled.

"Well," I said, smiling "I obviously don't care, and I think that should be evident"

"What did you just say?" his face was turning red and I knew my cheery disposition was angering him more, that's why I was doing it.

"I obviously don't care, and I think that should be evident!"

"You FUCKHEAD" he yelled after me.

"Fuckhead? Yes, yes you are" I replied childishly and I hopped on "my bike" riding off into the sunset.

As I rode, I replayed the scenario again and again, snickering at my own comebacks and relishing in the thought that I made this person feel silly. I felt that I had won this battle of words and I have to admit, it provided a bit of naughty joy.

In my reverie, my thoughts turned more to the man himself. He sure was angry. Why? I didn't need to be treated that way, and it was so obvious the bike wasn't hurting a thing. Right? I couldn’t have made him that angry. So, with all that said, why was he so upset?

All of a sudden... the joy from my verbal war came to a screeching halt. I tried to turn back the wheel of my mind but it was too late! I was feeling regret!

If it was so obvious that resting the bike on that wall shouldn’t have provoked that level of anger, then he already had that anger before our paths crossed. I didn't know this man, and I have no idea what he is going through. Maybe he had a terrible day at work, maybe he was having marriage problems and the idea of coming home to that house was more stress than relief. Perhaps his mother or father is fighting for their life in the hospital but he can't spend the time with them he wants for fear of losing his career, the career he needs to provide as a father for his own children?

With these new thoughts in my head, I really began feeling worse and worse. Maybe I wasn't harming his wall and his anger was not necessary, but why, why did I stop at that particular place, and rest against HIS wall, just as he was coming home from work? Could there have been some subliminal reason the universe placed me there, at that spot, at precisely that time?

If this was a test from above, well… I failed it.

I began re-imagining the same scenario, if I had been a better person, and chosen to react differently...

"Hey! You want to get your damn bike off my wall?" he asked angrily.

 I looked at the bike, seeing no harm, I looked at the man, sensing anger, frustration, unhappiness.

"Oh yea! For sure! I’m so sorry, I didn’t mean to cause a problem or anything" I said, grabbing the bike and proceeding to walk away.

"Thank you" he said in a sheepish voice, one that told you he was slightly embarrassed to have acted so aggressively...

Maybe he still would have called me a fuckhead... but maybe, just maybe, after walking inside his house, he would have taken a moment to recount his actions. In this scenario, he would be the one feeling regret, not me. Perhaps he would have found himself in the same situation I'm in, wondering what a better version of himself would have done.

Now let’s take it a step further. What if I was divinely placed in that moment to help this person? What if I could have used simple human empathy to offer support?

"Hey! You want to get your damn bike off my wall?" He asked angrily.

"Oh yea, of course! I'm sorry about that… but... I kinda feel like the bike isn't the real problem here. You're having a bad day, and I don't want to make it worse. Is there any way I can help? Can I help you carry your binders to the door?" I could see his anger diminishing rapidly, as he tried to process my unexpected kindness.

"What? — No, I just, — yea, I had a bad day at work and I really get annoyed when people loiter around my front yard. I don’t usually act on it but it's one of my worst pet peeves, and today, man, today just sucks" he said, shuffling the load of binders in his arms awkwardly, “I’m sorry”.

"Hey, no problem! I had no ill intentions when I stopped at this particular wall, just couldn't help but enjoy your view!" His head careened around to look at the sunset behind him.

"Yup, that right there is the sole reason I bought this house. Nothing beats that view!" he turned back to me, a smile spread across his face.


And just like that, I could have used my human superpowers to affect and alter someone’s emotions. I could have changed the course of his day with a simple act of kindness. Maybe he would have wanted to talk more about his day, maybe we would have become friends. I’ll never know, but I think we all can agree that few things dissipate anger more than kindness, much the same way a room full of darkness flees at the sight of a single candle.



We all have the ability to be that shining light, but it's just so much easier to go with the flow, and stay in the darkness. It’s easy to give in to that demanding reciprocity of anger when it is presented to you, but it takes true backbone to resist that urge and instead, respond with love. What change you could make in those moments, might they remember it forever?

If we really hope to make a change in the world, it starts right there. And if you don’t feel prepared to be that change, or you think you make too many mistakes, or that the path is just too difficult… know that I’ll be right there with you, stumbling and tripping my way forward.

I may be a fuckhead, but at least this fuckhead is learning from his mistakes.

Comments

  1. Great read! I often think this way when I’m dealing with an angry coworkers. Also, do you happen to have the picture your talking about?

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Thanks Derik! And I never actually mentioned a picture, but i'm going to interpret that as a compliment to my words ability to paint a mental image :p

      Delete
  2. This is such great insight Jared!! Also I always knew you were a good story teller, you really help paint a picture of different thoughts and emotions :)

    ReplyDelete

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

Message: Unseen

Message: Unseen By: Jared Ford He said: I love you man. I'm so glad we're friends. I love you too brotha, wink face, I replied I'm waiting—Still waiting, How long must I abide? They're saying you're gone?? But... this talk isn't over, This can't be the end, this day in October I have so much to say! No... Please... Just respond! This should not be real, the pain that I feel. How can it be, that it's now only me? Where did you go? You were so quick to depart. I'm looking! I'm searching! I'm screaming your name! Damn it Marcus, I'm lost, no more hide and seek It's time to come out, I need my best friend This game I can't win, and the future looks bleak.. My brother — my kin.  We were born as strangers, yet chose to be family Is this not the most omnipotent bond? When blood claims the pot, still, the hearts all-in. Surely this endures out into the beyond Where pain is forgotten, in the re...

Finding God - Free Will and The Multiverse

Finding God Free Will and The Multiverse There is a rarely a night I fall asleep without having read every new Science article on Google News. For me, it's comparable to those countdown calendars you get for Christmas, but instead of fueling a sweet tooth with a nightly treat of chocolate, I get to fuel my curiosity. I can't get enough of it. Many of the concepts are too technical or advanced for me to fully grasp, but it sure doesn't stop me from trying. There is one theory that has ensnared my imagination these days, one that has become omnipresent in my mind—the Theory of the Multiverse. If you aren't familiar, allow me to attempt a brief explanation. Multiverse Theory has many variations but, at it's core, is the belief that our universe is but one universe among infinite universes, all existing simultaneously. All space, matter, and energy that has ever existed makes up these many universes. Now for the time being, there is no way to test this th...

Finding God

 This series I call Finding God and it is an example of questions that plague me on a daily basis, and the process of my imagination, going back to my first memories... What/where/how is God, What/how/why am I? What if everything you’ve ever believed was wrong? If everything you take for granted and assume as fact, is just plain wrong… Look around you. Pick an item, anything... Odds are, you are looking at something very hard and solid. Touch it. Feel how solid it is, there is no denying that its right in front of you, that it is indeed a solid mass, right? Well, whatever solid you chose, is 99% nothing at all. In fact, there is so much empty space in that solid thing, that certain wavelengths have no trouble traveling straight through it without even the slightest collision, and it appears on the other side. At the center of each atom is a tiny nucleus situated in empty space. How much empty space? Lets use a peanut to represent the nucleus, and Wrigley Field to...

50 Shades of America

The United States of America.   Doesn't feel so "United" right now, does it? If you've watched the news, logged into social media, or just visited the internet in the past 2 years, then you're probably more than aware of the ideological divide in America these days.  So what happened?  I think one of the first and foremost issues at hand, is that Americans have forgotten what exactly an  American looks like. In today's world of hand-picked news, feedback loops, and "safe spaces", it's become effortless to only see and hear those people that you agree with. Suddenly your preferred image and audience is easy to see and anything else that challenges your views can be simply blocked, removed, or unfollowed. It becomes easy to believe that a "real American" is someone who looks, talks, and thinks a lot like you do.   We forget that this nation is made up of 50 independent states, smaller de facto nations, that vary i...